I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
