chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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