a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This is my gift to your gina
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
