in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
