Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im holly from the hills drunk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
