Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
