Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
