I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
