i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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