I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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