I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I FOUND THE LEGS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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