Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
