If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
