sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
