i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
