when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
