my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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