I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
