I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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