Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important