Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
