Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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