my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
love makes seman taste better
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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