I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
