I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
