OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
