HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
