I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
