Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The air was thick with penises
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
