i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
