he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need water and some morals
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
