all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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