Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
