True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
