He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
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He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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