Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
