hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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