just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
