Sry I called you an 8
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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