I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
