Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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