I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
