so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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