how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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