It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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