I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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