I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
