The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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