a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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