So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
