Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
