dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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