I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
