i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
