Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
