I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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