you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
