i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
