tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
