around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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