what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
