ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
