i will never coherently bang her
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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