Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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